Happiness

It seems rather silly,

To find it so difficult to just smile.

One genuine smile, a laugh to come bursting from deep within.

Especially to those don't have to try very hard.

Even to me about seven years ago,

Or whenever someone reached out to me on the playground.

Looked past my dorky hair cuts, big calves, and gapped teeth.

My hyperactivity and big feet.

I could feel happiness easily.

When my dirtbag father came back into the picture.

When he would take me to Cedar Point or the Zoo.

Then I became old, and pessimistic.

Put too much of myself into others, and never took back.

Emotionally abused myself, became obsessed and then uncaring.

While on the outside, I paraded around the facade that I was perfect.

I fell in love with a friend, and learned the hard way that even if that love

Is reciprocated, it will not last everytime.

It will not always be "right."

I realized that I could not even be happy for my own sake, let alone his.

And since I was struggling to find beauty, simplicity, and bliss for two, I found nothing for either.

Then I went to the darker side of relationships.

And am still paying for it.

Emotionally, maybe even physically.

Enough of that.

Then I met the man who calls me his "dearly beloved"

Thus begins the latest chapter in this struggle for happiness.

I'm pretty sure this is the closest to "happy" I have felt in many years.

I'm also sure he must like me quite a lot.

I'm pretty sure I'm a little crazy.

He calls me beautiful, and not for the sake of "getting in my pants."

He smiles at me, and I smile.

And laughter.

Oh, the soft and booming chimes of laughter meet my ears and leave my lips.

I don't want this high to fall.

The laughter to die.

The promise of happiness to break.

Not too worried...?